just, me.

<3

Sat, 21 Feb 2009 20:59:13 GMT

I want to be rich and I want lots of money
I don't care about clever I don’t care about funny
I want loads of clothes and f@#kloads of diamonds
I heard people die while they are trying to find them

I'll take my clothes off and it will be shameless
'Cuz everyone knows that's how you get famous
I'll look at the sun and I'll look in the mirror
I'm on the right track yeah I'm on to a winner
Lily Allen Lyrics on www.lyrics-celebrities.anekatips.com

Chorus
I don't know what’s right and what's real anymore
I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore
When we think it will all become clear
'Cuz I'm being taken over by The Fear

Life's about film stars and less about mothers
It's all about fast cars and passing each other
But it doesn't matter cause I’m packing plastic
and that's what makes my life so f@#king fantastic

And I am a weapon of massive consumption
and its not my fault it's how I'm program to function
I'll look at the sun and I'll look in the mirror
I'm on the right track yeah I'm on to a winner

Chorus
I don't know what's right and what's real anymore
I don't know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When we think it will all become clear
'Cuz I’m being taken over by The Fear

Bridge
Forget about guns and forget ammunition
Cause I'm killing them all on my own little mission
Now I'm not a saint but I'm not a sinner
Now everything is cool as long as I'm getting thinner

Chorus
I don't know what's right and what's real anymore
I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore
When we think it will all become clear
'Cause I'm being taken over by fear

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 13:40:15 GMT

I binged again yesterday... what the hell cassie.. seriously?
but it made me so sick that i don't even want to touch food..
that's good. I can't wait for my size 0 pills to come in. omg.
i can't wait to be a 'size 0' and to be so tiny and skinny. <3
i can almost taste it..

xoxo

"If you can dream it...
... you can do it"

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 16:53:54 GMT

Okay.
I am a 16 year old girl who weighs 121.0 lbs as of today.
Right now, at 11:47 AM I am starting a week long fast. So until next Thursday at 11:47 AM i am not allowed to eat any type of solid food what so ever unless it consists of celery or lettuce or 3 baby carrots. (considering i still need to maintain some sort of metabolism).
I will do Cardio of up to 20 + minutes everyday (as much as I can handle since i know I will end up becoming too weak eventually so 20 minutes should do it) and an entire stability ball exercise plan which i will keep in my food diary. Starting right now I will keep anything I eat or drink inside my food diary and I will not let anybody, not even my boyfriend who has been nothing but supportive in my time of need, know about my anorexia. Once my fast is over, i will start with a restriction of below 100 calories and increase into less than 300 cals per day depending on what I can handle.
I will become 90 lbs by March 15, 2009, whether I can handle it or not.
I do not need food, it will not help me with my life, it will only make me a better person.
No meats, fish, or regular dairy allowed unless it is Soy milk, and I will have some type of vinegar supplement each day. (vinegar helps burn fat) Once i become 90 lbs I will maintain a stable diet of 300 cals per day or lower to decrease my chances of losing all progress. Nothing will stop me from getting what I want.

Nothing..

Wish me luck xoxo

(I will post progress pictures once I get to 110 lbs)

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 22:00:59 GMT

today i've eaten
2 cups of mangdarin oranges from wendy's <80 per cup :(( i needed some type of nutrition, i was dying)
half can of chicken and oriental rice progresso soup <90 cals

so today i've had around 250 cals :/ better than i wanted so i won't complain
but officially my stats are
h: 5'3"
cw: 115 lbs
hw: 132 lbs
gw: 110 lbs february 13th (probably won't make it)
gw2: 90 lbs by march 15th

my motivatonal quotes

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 23:59:02 GMT

"if you've done it before, you can do it again."
"you only fail if you stop trying."
"if you dream it, you can do it."
"im not there yet but i'm closer than i was yesterday."

Here are a few of the quotes I've picked up around pro-ana sites. (Disclaimer: I do not necessarily believe in any of these quotes... I am simply making them available for your perusal.)

++++++++++

*Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

*I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control, I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul.

*I'm not there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.

*Be like a postage stamp... stick with it until you get there.

*The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow.

*A moment on lips..... forever on the hips.

*Bones define who we really are -- let them show.

*Craving is only a feeling.

*Sacrifice is giving up something good for something better. Food is good; thin is better.

*You've come too far in life to take orders from a cookie!

*Not eating light makes your clothes tight.

*Food IS the DEVIL! It'll only bring you one step closer to looking like Fat Bastard.

*Thin has a taste all its own.

*Calories can't make you happy.

*If it tastes good, It's trying to kill you.

*Success won't just come to you - it has to be met at least half way.

*Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle.

*You have to believe in yourself. And you have to down deep within the bottom of your soul, feel that you can do the job that you've set out to do.

*An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person.

*I'm not starving myself... I'm perfecting my emptiness.

*We become like what we love.

*Don't give up what you want most for something you want in the moment.

*The secret of success is the consistency to pursue.

*When it comes to losing weight, those who can, do; those that can't make excuses.

*Everything depends upon the right action of the will.

*Don't eat. If you want to see food, look in the mirror at your thighs.

*You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.

*The word is control. That's my ultimate - to have control.

*Eat to live, but don't live to eat.

*I don't take the first little bite; I don't begin. I have no problem.

*Every time you say "No Thank you", you say, "Yes Please" to Thin.

*Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.

*Don't do anything today that you'll regret tomorrow.

*The hungrier you are, the more fat you burn.

*Thinner is the winner!

You can never be too rich or too thin.

Of course it's hard; if it were easy, everyone would be thin!

This is forever. I will do whatever it takes. I want to be thin more than anything, even food.

Starvation is fulfilling. Colors become brighter, sounds sharper, odors so much more savory and penetrating that inhalation fills every fibre and pore of the body. The greatest enjoyment of food is actually found when never a morsel passes the lips.

One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure, clean shape of me, bones. That is what we all are, what we're made up of and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up.

You will be tempted quite frequently, and you will have to choose whether you shall enjoy the twenty minutes or so that you will be consuming empty calories, whether you will cordially despise yourself for two or three days for lack of willpower.

Nothing. Nothing is wrong, and asking is against the rules. Crying is against the rules. You're strong; don't let them break you. They're trying to destroy you.

Quod me nutrit, me destruit. (That which nourishes me destroys me.)

Why can't they realize my strength, how much it's taken to make so little of myself?

It's simple: you decide once and for all that you aren't going to eat, and there is no further decision to make.

In the body, as in sculpture, perfection is not attained when there is nothing left to add, but nothing left to take away.

They always say they're concerned about me, about my health, when all they want to do is control me. They want to pin me down and force-feed me with lies, with what they call love. Like prisoners everywhere, all I have left is the power to refuse.

I do eat normally; I eat only what is necessary for survival. I can't help it that we live in a piggish society where gluttony is the norm, and everyone else is constantly stuffing themselves.

When I wake, I'm empty, light, light-headed. I like to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling light. For me, food's only interest lies in how little I need, how strong I am, how well I can resist, each time achieving another small victory of the will.

When you coast without eating for a significant period of time, and you are still alive, you begin to scoff at those fools who believe they must eat to live. It is blatantly obvious to you that this is not true.

Food hinders your progress.

THIS IS FOREVER. I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. I WANT TO BE THIN MORE THAN ANYTHING, EVEN FOOD.

You've made a decision: you will NOT stop. The pain is necessary, especially the pain of hunger. It reassures you that you are strong, can withstand anything.

You can learn to love anything, I think, if you need to badly enough. I trained myself to enjoy feeling hungry. If my stomach contracts, or I wake up feeling nauseated, or I'm light-headed or have a hunger headache, or better yet, all of the above, it means I'm getting thinner, so it feels good. I feel strong, on top of myself, in control.

There is no TRY. There is only DO.

I want to be so thin, light, airy, that ...
... when the light hits me, I don't leave a shadow behind.
... when I walk across the snow I will not leave so much as one footprint to mar
its virgin purity.
... I can dance between the raindrops in a downpour.

http://www.freewebs.com/builtonadream/proanaquotes.htm

me. so far..

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 20:45:57 GMT

my collar bones are starting to poke through.

ew

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 22:40:42 GMT

my bmi is 21.4 :/ i'm "normal"
yuck

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 21:30:35 GMT

i'm 121 lbs :) :) one pound off from my gw1 :)
i'm still disgusting though :( tragically.

i think i'm going to do 50 lunges on each leg
50 squats
and 50 crunches, or more.
and then 50 leg lifts for each leg..

sounds reasonable for tonight.

tomorrow is day 4 of abc. :) i know i can do it. anything to be my ltgw. <3
i can taste the 90 lbs. i can.

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 02:52:31 GMT

tomorrow i'm going to start the abc diet. and i will stick to it.

cassie, you can do this. i promise

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 00:50:50 GMT

I haven't been on here in a while.
i look at everything i've written before. it somehow saddens me.

right now i'm 59.5 kg. i need to lose, i will. i just need to believe in myself.

cassie, you can do this. You can be everything you want to be.
i promise you.

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 20:56:42 GMT

im so fucking disgusting; i can't see how my boyfriend even still wants me
i fuck up everything, i wish i was stronger. i wish i was petite. i wish i didnt have to worry about what i eat
maybe i could work out. maybe i should just diet and be healthy.
but i dont want healthy, i want thin. i want so badly to see bone not fat
fat fat fat is all i fucking see all the fucking time. i want to go running.
maybe ill clean then find someone to go running with
maybe ill just fucking sit here and be a fool like i always am.
a fucking disgusting fool

i almost puked today
i ate an apple and tune wraps.
fucking pig. the tuna had not only mayonaise. but fucking dressing
seriously cassie cant fucking live without the fattest fucking toppings
plus the tuna was fucking filled with calories and what not
i sicken myself, i seriously feel like im going to puke

FUCK

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 21:22:58 GMT

im done
finished
never eating ever again
im seriously considering purging
im disgusting, and i have fat hanging off of every inch of my body.
WHEN WILL IT GO AWAYYY
i hate food
HATE it, it's disgusting
i just need to keep telling myself that
FOOD IS GROSS, GROSS GROOSS GROSSSSSSS!
ugh. im sick of everythinggggg i need a plan a good plan,
maybe an apple a day.
just to keep the metabolism up
thats my main focus. besides weight loss.
seriously though, this is getting my badley
im fucking disgusting.

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 14:18:29 GMT

<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t201/Thinspiration55/z8.jpg" border="0" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket"></a>

ill use this as thinspiration

ABC diet. starting tomorrow.

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 02:03:28 GMT

1: 500 calories
2: 500 calories
3:300 calories
4:400 calories
5: 100 calories
6: 200 calories
7: 300 calories
8: 400 calories
9: 500 calories
10: fast
11: 150 calories
12: 200 calories
13: 400 calories
14: 350 calories
15: 250 calories
16: 200 calories
17: fast
18: 200 calories
19: 100 calories
20: fast
21: 300 calories
22: 250 calories
23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories
25: 100 calories
26: 50 calories
27: 100 calories
28: 200 calories
29: 200 calories
30: 300 calories
31: 800
32: fast
33: 250 calories
34: 350 calories
35: 450 calories
36: fast
37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories
39: 400 calories
40: 350 calories
41: 300 calories
42: 250 calories
43: 200 calories
44: 200 calories
45: 250 calories
46: 200 calories
47: 300 calories
48: 200 calories
49: 150 calories
50: fast

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 19:47:09 GMT

second day of fasting.
and im about to give up.
i can't take this anymore. everything looks so good to eat.
i want to make it to day ten, but i dont think i can.
i almost passed out today too i can barely make it down the stairs.

my mom found my calorie diary and asked what it is..
i was like "oh i've had that forever"
and my boyfriend knows there's something wrong.
i have to tell him.
its killing me that the one person important in my life doesn't know my problem.
looks like im stuck.

well when i woke up this morning.
my weight was 115 :]
soo thats keeping me up but idk for how long.

today

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 22:32:06 GMT

so today went extremly well for my first day of fasting.!
i had like zero calories. unless water counts cause thats the only thing i've been drinking.
i accidently slipped out an 'i can't' today when someone asked me to eat something.
stupid stupid stupid
they just looked at me and said why not. i was like uhm i dont feel good.
so that worked out .
thankfully i dont have lunch with my boyfriend so he wont urge me to eat. knowing him.
it really wasnt that hard today at all anyways.
everytime someone ate, i looked at my wrist where i wrote TT (think thin).
so everytime i feel the urge, i look at it.
and anytime someone asks what TT means.. i say Tina Turner :]
lol. well thats day one, ill post back tomorrow.

btw. i lost 3 lbs.

tired

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 21:06:08 GMT

I'm new.
Hi :].
ugh i feel so bad right now.
yesterday i had the worst binge ever.
i ate crispy crowns which are lik potatoe things. and two sandwichs. which thats all like 700 calories or soemthing.
esp. with the mayo on my sandwishes. i made macaroni and cheese for ym boyfirne dand pizza. and thankfully made up good excuses not to eat any.
but today i had another sanwich and so far thats it. i've been addictedly drinking hi-c which is 90 calories per drink
so i think im doing good so far.
but tomorrow is the start of my fast.
atleast untill i get my GW

stats:
height: 5'3" 1/2
CW: 120
GW: <100

first post

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 20:09:39 GMT

It's another day. Boring, hungry, tired, fat. so sick of everything.
i wish it was yesterday. yesterday was perfect. i felt sexy. better then sexy, tiny. but reality is not small. its big. and disgusting.
i just wish everything was perfect always. he makes everything seem perfect. i just wish i was perfect for him. he deserves that.
i'm stuck doing some stupid graph for my mom. and i'm trying to become a part of proana journal. but for soem reason it's not working.
i just need someone to talk to. and the one person i tell everything to, i can't talk to him about this.
i still have to read too. 'Tale of Two Cities- Dickenson' ugh. boring.
so here is my first post. prepare for more.